Numb

Pain is the only feeling I can feel anymore.
Sadness, hope, loss, I feel those no more.


After you lose them, you never miss them.
These little cuts and scars represent my feeling.
I can never look at people and not turn away.
How do they look so happy all the time, when nothing is truly ever so?


I had love once, but now, it’s all dust and ashes. Remembering him, only brings back even more pain.
I can’t stand the sight of people laughing, but love to see them weep.
When they cry, I feel their pain, and they understand mine.


Seeing little headstones remind  me of what We used to do.
It’s the pain that brings me through.
It’s pain that keeps me numb from everyone and everything else.
If I can feel pain, I don’t have to feel anything else.


I’m always alone, never with anyone.
People come by, but they can never bring me out of my state.
Only he can, but he’s gone, and never will.


I always push forward, hoping, dreaming, waiting for the day when I see him again.
This thought and this thought only lets me live day to day.

I Am The Messenger Blog Out 1

I Am The Messenger starts out slow, but really picks up later on. Ed is a deadbeat - I have no doubts about that- but I think he really turns into a hero. He starts out with the little things, and works his way up.

When he started with Milla, I was really contrary. I liked the fact that he was helping this old woman with her loneliness, but I don't think I could stand being called someone else everyday. Even if I was helping the woman, it would agitate me to no end. Ed was really nice to her, and really compassionate. For a deadbeat, he's somewhat of a Batman type to me. Saving other people, but not in the big news worthy kind of way.

Then there's Sophie. She was really shy with Ed at first, but I think she really blossomed. I did not like her father. He seemed to uncaring to me. "You can win it, if you want." What kind of encouragement is that?! If it were my kid, I would tell them something much better than THAT! But, in the end, I think she really did good, even though she wasnervous. I mean, the whole no shoes thing really gave her confidence, and let her be her.



There's also Edgar street. I like the way Ed handled it, because I thought the husband deserved to die for his actions. I also hope he burns in hell, because he goes home and rapes his wife every night! Or, he did, anyways. Ed did the right thing, I just hope he doesn't go to jail for it.

A Three Ring Circus, That's Me

“Are you okay?”
“Are you okay?”
That’s all I hear anymore.
They only ask me because of what I do.

They treat me like I’m stupid, or mental, like I don’t belong with the rest of society.
They stare, they giggle, but they don’t really care.
They just need something to entertain them. Well, that’s me, their personal three ring circus.

I feel as though I live in a cage.
Four “walls” all made by bars, so little staring children can stick their grubby hands in.
I’m always there, in my cage, just waiting for the next person to laugh and point.
I want to lash out, but then I’m stared at even more, and punished for what I’ve,done wrong.
I’m wrong to get angry, but they can poke and have their sadistic fun?

I want to stand for my people, and protect them for once, from all the cruelty they put up with.
That’ll be the day.
The day when my people and I can live in peace, or better yet laugh at the people who laughed at me.
The day when I can be...me.